i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Randomize
