I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
