Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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