Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
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