i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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