Don't make out with my wife yet
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
