it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
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