I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
pop tarts are not kleenex
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Randomize
