Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Randomize
