Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
we made out on top of his cat.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
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