we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
