lets start a swedish sibling band together
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Randomize
