True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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