he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Randomize