When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
