"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize