i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
