Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Randomize
