First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Randomize