Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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