Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Randomize
