I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Randomize
