i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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