Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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