shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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