saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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