I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
