I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
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