drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
