once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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