Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
