That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
3 2 1 whiskey
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
