The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I need to calm my uterus...
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
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