Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Randomize
