google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
