I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
