Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Randomize
