Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Randomize
