I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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