I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
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