I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Randomize
