Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
You are the jesus of drinking
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
