Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
never play flip cup with pint glasses
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize