we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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