yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
