I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Randomize
