Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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