Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Randomize
