So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Randomize