I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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