You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Brb crying the tears of my youth
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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