i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
