You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Randomize
