I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
Randomize
