And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
