But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Randomize
