Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
