I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Your penis caused this!
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize
