everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
