we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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