News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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