they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
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