3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Please, let me fuck your mom
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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