I faked an abortion last night.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
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