She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize