How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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