I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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