Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Randomize
