was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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