i just wanna soil my oats bro
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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