he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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