ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
