Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize