He told me they were just razor bumps!
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Randomize
