im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
They took my balls.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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