ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
im holly from the hills drunk
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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