Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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