i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize