I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
me + whiskey = a bad person
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Randomize
