I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Randomize
