it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
