At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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