The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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