I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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