o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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