There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
the day after is always just damage control
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
