You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
