I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize