We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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