I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
