she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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