i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
