i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Randomize
