His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
