mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
