so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Randomize
