Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
should my penis look like a turkey
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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