white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
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