Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
