sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
