we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
